what a vacation. my aunty is going through hard times battling cancer and the side effects of western treatments. my uncle passed away yesterday... had to help clean his house. man, three of my uncles died in the same house. make scared. it's the mahelona house. i don't know who'd wanna live there... but not like my uncles goin make humbug haha. nah.

i'm glad i came home to be with my `ohana

xanga wasn't working... and i suppose these fb notes have a little more privacy controls... but ohs well...

back when i was a young'n i would just go about my life not realizing that every step i take and every person i meet will affect the road ahead. eventually i learned that this is the case, and I learned that WE can decide how those steps will affect our future, be it positive or negative. and those who are close to me know that I'm quite the positive person... happy thoughts create a happy reality... and I don't need insurance because my way of life (and how I think) is my insurance... and it goes against all odds and probabilities and statistics... it's about being at the right place at the right time. see, so you'll have to make the right steps... ever since you came into this world... tough eh? well I believe I wrote a xanga post once about how we could possibly put forth positive thoughts into our past thereby allowing a naive child to embark on the right journey... so no need to weed that one out again.

Looking back on the decisions I made and how they've produce outcomes with which I'm content is quite easy and very gratifying. But looking forward on the decisions I made and will make is very difficult. I'm a positive person, but I'm also quite skeptical ( which is ironic in a western perspective since I believe I can create my own reality through thought ).

I'll admit that this whole New Zealand thing... it's been 50/50. I'm sure I'm supposed to be here. I'm not sure... what am I doing? Nano-what? Physics who? But then there's the train of thought that no matter what situation I put myself into, I'm confident that I can get a desirable result. But feelings are always changing, and they are so complex and evanescent and enduring. So a result can be made desirable whether Keoni 10 years ago would disagree on the desirability. I mean, MIT or Olin. I chose Olin. 3 years after that choice I was certain that was the right decision! I'm still certain it was (and will always be certain.. woot Olin!!!). But did Keoni 2 years before that decision feel the same way? No, he was quite content on MIT (mostly certain about that one). So I guess what I'm getting at is that in the end I will be happy with the decisions I make and I will convince myself that they were the right decisions and perhaps I could have taken a different road but in the end the ultimate and final result will be the same (that's a gamble 'cause I'm no where near that yet).

Ah, but back to New Zealand. Really, this is where it all started haha. Wow, 3 years ago I had the most life changing experiences here in this country. But every day I walk through polluted courtney street and up that damn hill to Uni and I think this isn't the place for me. I need somewhere cleaner... less pollution, less smokers, more nature, warm... I wonder where that is. Complain complain complain. But then there's the little hints along the way that tell me I'm following the yellow brick road.

Like on my way to NZ, about 4 people (2 of whom were strangers) told me that I should go back to Hawaii and help the people. Ok that seems contradictory, but I basically had to go somewhere to learn where I need to go next, yeah?

During the 'boring' days here in Wellington I learn more about the illegality of the "State" of Hawaii (http://www.hawaiiankingdom.info/C1126750129/E20090612075850/index.html). I peruse TED speeches, and realize that the leaders of the future are going to have some tough shit to deal with (http://www.ted.com/talks/juan_enriquez_shares_mindboggling_new_science.html). I go to a queer conference and learn about the social acceptance of queer community from pre colonialism to post colonialism. I also learn about the acceptance of transgendered... and then I draw connections between the effects of technology on transgendered, disabled, and (in the future) enhanced people. So perhaps the decisions we make today regarding all aspects of the trans and disabled community will affect the decisions we'll have to make in the future when people want their sixth sense to be projected into their eyes and not some silly projector (http://www.engadget.com/tag/augmented+reality/, http://www.ted.com/talks/pattie_maes_demos_the_sixth_sense.html). It sounds a little outlandish but the thing is, it's not. Really, anything is possible. And if physics doesn't allow it, then we'll just tap right into the brain and tell it otherwise!

And then tonight I watched this documentary called The Neglected Miracle (http://www.filmarchive.org.nz/feature-project/pages/Neglected-Miracle.php). This was released in 1985. 1985. 1985. Everyone's familiar with The Inconvenient Truth, Sicko, Farenheit 9-11, King Corn all those other documentaries that are showing all the crap that's going on in the world and you see people finally kinda starting to wake up and realize maybe they should compost or grow their own veggies or whatever turn off a light. But here's a kiwi film maker in 1985 (that's when I was born) showing some of the negative results of intelectual property rights on genes, showing how large corporations are affecting third world countries, and showing a way of life that revolved around life (uh, that's food). I suppose this is just my naivete, but I thought only until recently people realized these "super crops" are bad. It's sad to see good work not have an impact on society (e.g. Pioneer is still in business today after it basically destroyed a culture by destroying the native crop species of that culture). And in the end, it's the decision makers (yay large corps/countries/whatever/power ruling the world) that will decide which research we like and which we don't like. And I'm curious how many people in politics are "well-rounded," you know? So how is some red-neck jo schmo from Arkansas gonna be able to make a decision about intellectual property laws for plant species when he never even touched a ho (not that kinda ho, silly)? That's not a true story by the way, I just thought it'd work.

well i've just burnt my beans cause i've been writing too much. i'd have to say though, the burntness adds a bit of flavour... almost like smoked refried beans or somethin'. But yeah. Whether I follow 'similar' footsteps (cause I'd like to make my own yellow brick road) of Einstein or Obama (or some weird medley of the two), I'm becoming more certain that this NZ ordeal at the moment will do wonders to my future (and past). I'm learning all sorts of things and coming up with all sorts of ideas and connections. It's all new to me, but I suppose someone's thought of it all before... that'll just make work a big easier :)

i meant to go to the store to get chocolate and coffee to help with the quantum mechanics thing, but in doing so i ran into a jerk. and now i can't concentrate. at least i think i've got a better understanding of that horrible gut feeling. and the acidic, instant coffee doesn't help at all haha. but music helps. speaking of which, I had no idea that i'd like heavy metal. i saw this heavy metal band last night and it was pretty awesome! next week, tongue rings and trench coats! that's a joke... I hope. I could use a trench coat, but i see no added value in a tongue ring.